So What If You Do?

In my last post I ended with not giving in to temptation, specifically sex outside of marriage. I've preached on this one for some time ~ it's easy to do when you're not being tempted. So what happens when you DO "sin"? I've found that depends on a lot, your background, your current environment, your self confidence, etc. Since I was raised Catholic, when I commit a sin ~ knowingly & even "unknowingly" ~ I'm programmed to first feel guilt, then wallow in it a bit, go to confession & then await my punishment ~ which of course will be given out as harshly as the "level" of sin I committed.
Well that's a bunch of crap and just as much of the deception as whatever takes us down these roads that we are ALL on. I've stood on my pedastal long enough and hidden behind whatever kind of wall of a specific kind of Christianity I could build. Am I a Christian? Absolutely; however not the kind I was presenting ~ I had about every Christian quotation and sentiment I could add on my facebook wall, I professed to stay moral by claiming no sex or no this or no that was the way ~ but those are easy when you are "safe" behind the walls you put up.
So what happens when you are not writing a blog, posting on facebook and out living life ~ even as a Christian? Well it's not exactly the same for each of us obviously, but what I do know is that eventually your "real" life and your "safe" life collide and no matter how strong a wall you think you've built, it's coming down. God did not design us to hide behind walls, nor does He expect perfection ~ if He did there wouldn't have been any point in having Christ die for us would there? My last post was on April 27th ~ I waited a few weeks before typing it & posting it as the reality of my true self was conflicting with what I was hiding behind. Don't get me wrong, I still believe that living life as God tells us to in the Bible is the best way & will always be; however, we do not do that - if we're truly being honest. We should strive to but what happens when we don't? Well if you're anything like me, that's a daily thing so am I supposed to walk around all day putting myself down because I went 5 miles over the speed limit? Am I supposed to keep track of all my swear words all day & put change in a jar? (or say 10 hail mary's~lol) And what happens if I commit one of the REALLY big ones? Ladies, it does say there are certain things God abhors & I am not writing this to make us all feel we're free to run out & do whatever we want anywhere, anyhow, etc. but what I am saying is we are real women with real lives with real issues with real sin, period. Does that suck? Yep, it can ~ most definately; however I want to retract something I put in my previous post ~ even though God will not condone sin, nor bless it, we sin daily YET we are still blessed by God ~~ NOT because of what we do, but because Christ already paid for our sins and if we've accepted that gift, then we are accepted, period. I will clarify once more ~ this is not justification to go out and sin and think nothing of it, what I want you to know is that when you do sin, it's an opportunity for the enemy to use in ways you may not expect and it can be a dangerous road; however smoking, drinking, sex, swearing, speeding ~ sin is sin ~ there may be very different consequences for each one ~ don't be fooled into thinking there won't always be a consequence, but don't be fooled into thinking you're getting some wrath of God punishment ~ or that you're less of a person, woman or Christian either.
Again, don't get me wrong, there are things that certain sins will prevent you from being a part of certain things~ for example, in some churches men cannot be deacons if they are committing certain sins, etc. ~ so sin can prevent you from serving in ways that could be a blessing to both you & those you could help; but at the same time, God knows us, He knows our hearts and He has a plan for each one of us, we simply need to keep trying, keep learning, keep praying, keep reading the Word, and keep true to who we are ~ don't hide and don't get so far "up" that no one can relate to you or even bother trying. You can be a Christian and not be perfect ~ seriously, anyone who knows me, truly knows me, knows I'm nothing like what I was hiding behind, and whatever you're hiding from, even if you think you're hiding behind God, you will have to face it eventually ~ & God may be the One to make you face it.
I've never believed life is worth living without taking chances and going for what your heart truly desires (& I'm not talking about drugs, addictions, etc. I mean true heart desires) but for a few months I lived like I didn't believe that & I hid behind a wall I could not sustain, as you cannot hide from yourself for long ~ and I missed out on a lot, maybe even missed out to an extent that some chances may be gone forever, I don't know, but the point is ~  if you think your heart is protected by hiding, believe me ~ it is not. Guard your heart ladies, but don't try box it up, be true to you, to who God made you to be ~ we are all unique, not one exactly the same ~ in other words, designed on purpose & for a purpose ~ so get out there and live.

SINGLE LADIES CONT'D..

I like to update as soon as things change because so much in our lives change so much even in a day and I believe that's where we women get stuck. We float around on "clouds of emotion" and we let those emotions decide our attitudes, impact our happiness, etc.
In the last post I told you I was seeing someone & whatever God's will for that 'relationship' was I would follow & if it didn't last I would be fine.
It ended ~ I'm fine. Why? Because I am not whole because of earthly men, I am whole because of the Man of God, Son of God, our King ~ Jesus. Was I depressed? No, but I was disappointed. Did it kill me? Well obviously not ~ God sustains me. Is my expiration date (of over 40) now coming into play? LOL ~ NO.
We do that though ~ we get nervous as if we're running out that precious clock that is like an hourglass on whether or not we'll find "the one" before it's gone and we're too old for anything anymore, seemingly life itself.
Well I refuse to give in completely to that mentality. God holds my hourglass and yours in His fully purposed hands and if it's His Will for me ~ or you ~ to be with someone then it will be, and if it's not, then we must learn to accept it. We do this by staying in His Word & letting it flow in and through us. The Holy Spirit comforts like no comfort we can imagine, we only need ask and He is there ~ without conditions & without fail. What earthly man ~ or even women ~ can do that for us whenever & be exactly what we need? The answer is there are some that can SOMETIMES, but none that can at all times as He can and will.
But if you are really down, really lonely, try reading Psalms for encouragement, ask the Lord for comfort and turn to your GODLY friends for help ~~ the non-Christians may be willing to help, but they can lead you down an even deeper drop into depression. There's a bed-ridden man (disabled) who says the secret to accepting his disability or ANY adversity is to cite these truths:
1: I'm not, but He is.
2: I can't, but He can.
3: I don't want to, but He wants to.
4: I didn't, but He did.
Don't give up ladies ~ and don't give in!! The temptations for me during these times have been so intense I have actually considered giving in to them in very weak moments ~~ the very moments the evil enemy awaits to send you exactly what you think you need ~~ not having sex with the man I was seeing was MUCH harder than I ever thought it would be, and even after a few short weeks I actually found my mind considering it! Praise to the Lord He made sure I did not. Most recently I have had two very married (& good looking let me tell you ~~ remember Satan was not ugly...he was most beautiful & he is the great deceiver) anyhow, 2 married men attempt to talk me into a brief affair ~ seriously. This is where we must dig deeper than ever into God's provisions and hold strong ~ it is difficult and lonely to be alone, but remember this~ giving in to sin such as this will make whatever you are going through WORSE. You will not be blessed, you will not be happy, you will not be fulfilled. Temporary pleasures can & in my past have forever changed my life & even hurt the lives of others. Saying NO honors God & divides out those sent by the enemy & those sent by God. Trust in Him ladies, pray Proverbs 3 vs 5-6, memorize it, recite it as often as it takes. I love you my sisters in Christ. Remember your station ~ you are a daughter of the Risen King ~ as always, your fellow DORK, J.

All You Single Ladies

As asked, I will comment on my female version of Christian singledom...for all my sisters out there that are around my age ~ yes, I can say it ~ 40 ~ do you ever get the feeling you've been labeled with an expiration date???? It's the strangest thing! At this point in my life I feel SO fantastic that I absolutely do NOT think about my age ~ that is until I get the look or the commentary when people start asking about "what are you going to do now?" Which is interpreted as: "you are 40 & single! how will you survive? is it possible that you're heading into spinster land? are you dating? better hurry, you won't be 40 forever......."
Apparently being single and 40+ means you only have "so much time" to find someone before you expire and no possible man on earth could be interested unless he's blind or so old that we're 18 to him!
What the.???
For the last few weeks I've been seeing a nice guy and enjoying the time spent with him & talking to via phone, etc. I let that "slip" out in general conversation & the vultures attacked from ALL angles! "Do you like him? Is THIS the ONE? Is he "husband" material? Don't let him "get away"....there's just not many left that will date someone YOUR AGE!"
Can you believe it???? I'm still offended! Are you ladies experiencing anything like that as well??? If so, I'm curious~~ I always answer the above questions simply by flipping them off  ~just kidding ~ I answer them by saying that as with everything, I give it to God and follow His leading. WHO or WHATever this guy is to be in my life is GOD's doing, purposing, etc. so I simply give it to Him & enjoy the time He allows & if it's not meant to be, God will take care of that too.
And as far as this "spinsterhood" thing ~ ladies, really? We let ourselves get tagged with labels such as that and we get depressed, sometimes desperate & we can end up either settling for what we THINK we can get in this day and age or we even go so far as to violate God's commands about remaining pure (yes I'm talking about sex) because somehow we think we know better than God & if we don't have sex, who will stay with us? Well let me tell you ~ if God has chosen someone for me and/or for you, that's who will stay and that should be the ONLY one you would want to have stay. ANYONE else, no matter how convincing, how wonderful, how blah, blah, blah, is a deception by the enemy. DO NOT fall for it. I'm not saying that guy is the enemy but if he's pressuring you to do that then he's being controlled in that area by something other than God ~ therefore, he's not the one for you.
I like to say when I'm dating someone that he's Mr. Right for right now ~ because God will let me know who is or who isn't. And if there's never a Mr. Right for longer than right now, then it would be God's will and He would provide a way to endure for those of you who fear (remember fear is not from God) the future "alone".
Please believe me ladies, I understand not wanting to be alone, I KNOW what it feels like & I know the pain and sorrow that can accompany it. But I also KNOW that God will get you through it and He will provide.
So ~ yes I am 40. Yes, I am (currently) seeing someone. No, I don't know if he's "The One". Yes, I am enjoying my time with him & Yes, whatever God's will is for this I will follow it ~~~ & if it's not meant to be I'm sure I will experience some sadness or disappointment but I WILL SURVIVE and I will NOT EXPIRE!
Love In Christ my sisters ~ Remember who YOU are ~ you are a precious D.O.R.K. ~ Daughter of the Risen King!

GET BACK UP

I originally titled this blog "living in gethsemane" as that was where Jesus was in agony, praying for the imminent crucifixion. Many have used that term in a similar meaning as being in a place in there life of sheer agony but turning towards our Father for our needs to get through. I've even gone so far as to say that this entire temporary life we are living here until our name is called up or until the horn blows for Rapture is a life of living in gethsemane; however as I've grown and matured spiritual in my relationship with our Lord I've learned that thinking like that could draw some into a more depressive state if we continue to look at everything as doomed or always in agony. Granted one of the fruits of the Spirit is long-suffering but the intent of that is not for us to always be literally in a suffering mode, it's to show the joy that can be had, the faith that will grow stronger and the fulfillment we can have if we turn to Him & let Him lead us through it. I feel it necessary to say to you today that even though a lot has changed in my life in these last couple years, prodigal children, another divorce (i was married once before right out of high school, not long), I've had a lot of trials and painful experiences that at one time would have killed me, in fact things like this almost did way back when; however I can honestly say this day, this precious, God given day that I have true joy, I have fulfillment beyond description. I feel whole, I feel loved, I feel like a daughter of The King, and I have faith that all that's going on around me, with me, to me, to those I love, etc. I have faith that God is working it all for His purposes and as I've said before, I finally feel as though I am living His purpose for me and I know this because He says so in His Word, I am bearing the fruits that make evidence to the claims. Do I struggle still? Absolutely. Do I have sorrow and pain still? Sometimes, yes. So what's the difference? The difference is I know where to turn ~ Who to turn to & is does not return void. God fills my needs, He blesses obedience & most of all, most important to me ~~ when I stumble and fall & am sitting there allowing the insults of the enemy in my head trying to keep me down, all I have to do is look up & there He is with open arms and the indescribable love that only He can pour unto us. The group Third Day has a song out right now called "Lift Up Your Face" & I highly recommend it. Lift up your face, lean into His open arms, be forgiven once more, you are not defeated, the enemy is, the ultimate battle has been one, submit to God's Will, His Love, His Mercy, His Grace. Fall down, get right back up. Fall down again, get right back up. You've heard the term don't quit quitting for smokers ~~ same type here ~~ don't quit, don't give up, you will fall, you can get back up ~ take His hand, don't do it alone, let go of your fears, grab onto Him and JUST DO IT!! All is not lost, all is already won ~ Praise our Saviour & King Jesus! Can I get an Amen?!!!

In my last post, my long, long, long one (lol) I had a lot I wanted to clarify when giving my latest update, etc...well my closest, dearest friend pointed out to me that I've been sounding like I am being a bit defensive, over-explaining some things like my being married twice, etc. & she"s right. As much as I know God has forgiven me, as much as He is now the center of and head of my life there is obviously a part of me that still holds internal guilt over things I cannot change from my past. In one of my recent devotionals I read in Scripture a warning, if you will, that the enemy can & will use anythng and everything to decieve us and pull us from God and from God's purposes for our lives including, of course, our own selves. Thankfully God not only warns us of the enemy's tactics, He gives us the ways to fight these battles and reminds us that victory has already been had, the battle has already been won ~ no matter what our journey has been or will be, there is no condemnation in Christ, our guilt and shame has been washed away by His Blood and we are spotless in His sight. Praise the Lord!
I also mentioned in my last post that I have no desire to marry again ~ I have found that statement to be untrue ~ & yes, I'm aware it was my own statement. I want a lot of things for my future and a true, Godly covenant marriage would be one of those things; however the biggest desire of my heart is to be a Godly woman and obedient to Him and if it's in His plan for me to marry or it isn't I accept it either way for it's His will I desire only. What could be better than that? Only someday being in His presence I am sure ~ God bless!

FILLING THE VOID

Filling the gap is often referring to us standing in the gap for Christ, bringing His Word and Message to where He calls us to go. As I moved out of my home & 14 year marriage, into a temporary home, then into a home He provided and have been "moving on" with my life, I have needed Him to fill the voids that were wide open and causing great pain due to all that was/is taking place. The world probably would not understand this the way other Christians may, but He tells us in His Word all we have to do is ask and He will fullfill our need, whatever that may be. Divorcing left a void that my husband had once filled ~ however dysfunctional it may have been ~ it was still a void and it was/is painful. I asked God to be my "husband" and take the Lead in my life as a Godly husband would do in accordance with Scripture. He filled that void ~ not in a sick worldly way, but in a loving and leading way that was & is needed. Since the question has been asked ~ what about the physical void ~ God doesn't 'cuddle, hug, etc.' ~ no, He doesn't. He comforts, He sends His Spirit to help you get through it until the missing of it is a passing thought and not an enduring pain ~~ and NO, this doesn't happen immediately (at least not in my case), it happens over time and through this passing of time God continues to do the transforming work inside of me that His Word promises and He refines and purifies, as His Word promises. This process is very painful and "long-suffering" yet it reaps the deep, true joy His Word promises and it truly does strengthen and create in me the new woman in Christ that He has purposed for me. It's encouraging for me to hear and know that He is preparing me for a SPECIFIC purpose and that nothing I'm going through is wasted, all is used for His miraculous purposes, works, all for us, His children and those chosen to be His children that are yet to be. I am nowhere near completion but then none of us are really until the very end ~ literally ~ which as we know is just the beginning! The world tells me that I should use this time to "get to know me, my self, WHO I am, my identity, etc." ~ well, that's kind of true, except that I know my identity already, I'm a child of God with a purpose he preordained me for ~ hence why I was created. I don't need to go on any "soul-searching/identity vacations" like the character in the "eat/pray/love" film felt she needed to do ~ there's nowhere on this planet where I can go that will change who I am or be able to give me more information about me than right here, in prayer with Him ~ all I have to do is ask Him and He reveals how loved and amazing I am as His child, designed on purpose, by the One who is Love and freely gives it. Now ~ do I walk around in a happy fog all day every day and am I never sad or lonely or experience depression or pain ~~~ don't be silly, I experience it all, happy, sad, depression, joy, all of it. My process is similar to many, yet nothing like any ~ unique as I am unique, same where same is shared. And it's different as I asked for it to be ~~ I was divorced once before when my children were very young and we all suffered greatly ~ all I desired was to be married again, with a home and be a family. I was so obsessed with getting back what I had lost that I took things into my own hands and did not wait on the Lord ~ I was also very young in my Christianity, a baby really, and not in the habit of turning to the Lord for THOSE kind of things and my choices then ended up leading to a momentary happiness that turned into years of more pain and hardship not just for me, but worse, for my children that lived it all along with me.....So when the reality hit that I was going to be divorced a second time I was filled with tremendous fear, I did not want to be as I was then, I wanted everything to be different ~ everything in me to be different ~ I was desperate for the Lord to show me how to do things right this time, how to put Him as the Head of my life, how to turn to Him and rely on Him, not on myself ~ yes, we as persons have to do things, make decisions, live, but we don't have to do it without Him & having done that I can confidently say that I would be foolish to ever want to do it without Him again ~~ and ever so grateful that I don't have to. He doesn't hold my past against me, He forgives me and uses it in a kind and compassionate way to teach me about the future, not in a cruel "you should've or I told you so" way but in a loving and learning way that makes life possible to live with joy and without shame. This time getting married again isn't even part of any thought process or emotion that I have ~ what a blessing! Yes, I miss being married and I even miss certain aspects of the husband I had, but I do not long for another, I do not even long for him, just miss what once was, but even that is fading away as God fills me with and blesses my life with more than I ever thought possible ~ but then that's just the kind of God He is~The God, my God, The One and Only True God ~ can I get an amen?!! AMEN!!